April fool, n. The March fool with another month added to his folly.
AMBROSE BIERCEMarriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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True, man does not know woman. But neither does woman.
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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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The partisan strife in which the people of the country are permitted to periodically engage does not tend to the development of ugly traits of character, but merely discloses those that preexist.
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ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.
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A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.
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Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
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Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
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Forgetfulness – a gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscience.
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Responsibility, n. A detachable burden easily shifted to the shoulders of God, Fate, Fortune, Luck or one’s neighbor. In the days of astrology it was customary to unload it upon a star.
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Women of genius commonly have masculine faces, figures and manners. In transplanting brains to an alien soil God leaves a little of the original earth clinging to the roots.
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Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
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Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
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LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
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Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.
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Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
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