“I knew we were having problems when you put those piranhas in my bathtub again.”

Every night for dinner we had a big chunk of dirt.

When I was a kid, I thought I was going to be an architect, because when I was 12 years old I had a guidance counselor that convinced me that that was the best career choice for me.

So I’m one of the few celebrities that got to do a repeat performance on ‘The Simpsons,’ which I’m very flattered by.

I’m known for being an up, high-energy, and optimistic kind of guy.

As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.

My hobbies just sort of gradually became my vocation.

I love the way they run in fright when I turn on the kitchen light. And when I squish them on the ground, they make a pleasant crunchy sound.

I cut my teeth playing rock songs on the accordion when I was a teenager and my friends always thought that was extremely amusing.

I was a huge fan of ‘Mad’ magazine when I was 11, 12, 13 years old. I’d scour used bookstores trying to find back issues, and I’d wait at the newsstand for a new issue to come out. My life revolved around it.

It doesn’t take a military genius to see we’ll all be crispy critters after World War III.

It’s hard to say, I picked one of my favorite articles for the MAD vault. Which is one of the features of the Magazine so they don’t have to actually pay artists or writers to come up with new stuff.

When I swore that you’re getting more and more beautiful everyday. Well, I was only kidding, honey.

I’d like to be able to be more topical and timely and more of-the-moment and I think the way to do that is, instead of waiting until I have twelve songs to release all at once, just to release them as I come up with them.

You still have Top 40 radio now, but it’s 40 different stations. There aren’t many hits that everybody knows, and there aren’t many real superstars.

It’s hard to really articulate what the parameters are that make one song parody-able and another song not, but if I can come up with a good enough idea for it, I go for it, and if not, then I have to move on.

Maybe I’ll make a huge color tapestry from my belly button lint.

There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn’t all the water gush out when you get in?