“People never ask people doing serious music, ‘Do you ever think about doing funny music?’”

You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork.

Well I’ve made no secret of my life long love of MAD Magazine, it’s probably my first and greatest influence in terms of my comic sensibilities. I’ve known John [Ficarra] for many years, and we’ve been friends.

A lot of rap songs don’t usually have a lot of melody per se.

I’m stranded all alone in the gas station of love, and I have to use the self service pump.

I dated Siamese twins, I slept with Big Foot, too. Get me on Sally Jesse, put me on Donahue.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

Take down those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine.

You can try on our suede underwear if you choose. Do what you want, but don’t step on my blue suede shoes.

If something is good enough, it can be out there and people will see it.

It fit pretty nicely into my schedule because we’d pretty much finished the bulk of promotion for Mandatory Fun and were just getting geared up for the World Tour so this was a nice time for me to be working on it.

Beans, beans, the magic legumes – the more you ingest, the more you consume.

At this point I’ve got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when ‘Weird Al’ wants to go parody, it’s not meant to make them look bad… it’s meant to be a tribute.

I don’t want to pooh-pooh modern pop. I appreciate that as well, but my personal favorite kind of music is guitar-based rock. I like grunge and garage bands and alternative music, but that’s more my personal taste.

I decided that I wanted to be a voice on every animated cartoon in the history of the world – even shows that haven’t been on the air for a very long time, that’s going to be harder to pull off.

Sometimes I get, “Have you ever thought about doing real music?” I like to think the music I do is real, it just happens to be funny.

Got a brand new semi-automatic weapon with a laser sight. Oh, I’m praying that somebody tries to break in here tonight.

Nothing me and Kanye can do musically was gonna match the event of what we were trying to do. So we were trying to deliver an album and experience at one time; that was the idea for ‘Watch The Throne’.

I do my job like I breathe — so if I can’t breathe I’m in trouble.

If Donald Trump builds the wall the way he builds Trump Towers, he’ll be using illegal immigrant labor to do it.

When a person knows and can’t make the others understand, what does he do?

How defeated and restless the child that is not doing something in which it sees a purpose, a meaning! It is by its self-directed activity that the child, as years pass, finds its work, the thing it wants to do and for which it finally is willing to deny itself pleasure, ease, even sleep and comfort.

I would always do the songs that I wanted to do and the songs that my parents wanted me to do.

I think I dislike what I don’t like more than I like what I like.

The problem with kids these days is they don’t have enough fun stuff to do. When I was stationed with my family in Germany, youth basketball programs gave me something to strive to do my best at.