“You don’t need to be defined by your job.”

Well I’ve made no secret of my life long love of MAD Magazine, it’s probably my first and greatest influence in terms of my comic sensibilities. I’ve known John [Ficarra] for many years, and we’ve been friends.

A lot of rap songs don’t usually have a lot of melody per se.

I’m stranded all alone in the gas station of love, and I have to use the self service pump.

I dated Siamese twins, I slept with Big Foot, too. Get me on Sally Jesse, put me on Donahue.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

Take down those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine.

You can try on our suede underwear if you choose. Do what you want, but don’t step on my blue suede shoes.

If something is good enough, it can be out there and people will see it.

It fit pretty nicely into my schedule because we’d pretty much finished the bulk of promotion for Mandatory Fun and were just getting geared up for the World Tour so this was a nice time for me to be working on it.

Beans, beans, the magic legumes – the more you ingest, the more you consume.

At this point I’ve got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when ‘Weird Al’ wants to go parody, it’s not meant to make them look bad… it’s meant to be a tribute.

I don’t want to pooh-pooh modern pop. I appreciate that as well, but my personal favorite kind of music is guitar-based rock. I like grunge and garage bands and alternative music, but that’s more my personal taste.

I decided that I wanted to be a voice on every animated cartoon in the history of the world – even shows that haven’t been on the air for a very long time, that’s going to be harder to pull off.

Sometimes I get, “Have you ever thought about doing real music?” I like to think the music I do is real, it just happens to be funny.

Got a brand new semi-automatic weapon with a laser sight. Oh, I’m praying that somebody tries to break in here tonight.

Many years ago I found out something about hamburgers that really grossed me out. You may not know this, so I hope I don’t make you sick, but it turns out hamburgers are actually made out of dead cows.

A mission could be defined as an image of a desired state that you want to get to. Once fully seen, it will inspire you to act, fuel your imagination and determine your behavior.

A just society will appear less spectacular, and less clearly defined, than a society with totalitarian leadership, theocratic goals.

Courage is not defined by those who fought and did not fall, but by those who fought, fell and rose again.

Credibility’ is defined as the willingness to kill a lot of people now for a not very good cause to assure the world that we’ll kill a lot more people if we can find a better one.

Love, like light, is a thing that is enacted better than defined: we know it afterward by the traces it leaves on paper.

Philosophy may be defined as the art of asking the right question…awareness of the problem outlives all solutions.

Until the past ten years, many defined the period primarily by its well-known literary, musical, and artistic elements while overlooking the fact there was any political component to it at all.

Middle age has been defined as what happens when a person’s broad mind and narrow waist change places.