I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
ADAM FERRARAYou gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don’t let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, ‘Well, why’d you put this spoon in this drawer then?’ ‘
More Adam Ferrara Quotes
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The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. ‘Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain’t getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.’
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My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, ‘Adam – uh, don’t kiss guys.’
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You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you’re on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
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The human body is in constant change the minute we’re born. It’s in a constant state of decay. We’re all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
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Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, ‘How’s it going with that girl?’ ‘One day at a time, man.’
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I love to believe that there’s one god but there’s many different religions so there’s just the question of which long distance company you pick.
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I woke up my pop in the middle of the night ’cause the boogie man’s under my bed.
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Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you’re happy, you let us touch you.
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Just to p-s you off, that’s why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.’
ADAM FERRARA -
You gotta fight. You gotta get out the negative energy. Don’t let it build up. You end up screaming at each other over something totally stupid, like, ‘Well, why’d you put this spoon in this drawer then?’ ‘
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Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
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Whenever she uses the phrase ‘I was thinking…,’ that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
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I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
ADAM FERRARA