Welfare is monetary methadone.
ADAM CAROLLASpeaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
More Adam Carolla Quotes
-
-
The very definition of ‘beauty’ is outside.
ADAM CAROLLA -
You don’t realize how much you use your credit card not even to buy things. It’s a card you get so you can navigate society.
ADAM CAROLLA -
All’s the government should do is keep the taxes and regulations at a manageable rate, keep a decent standing army and get out of the way.
ADAM CAROLLA -
The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks.
ADAM CAROLLA -
We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
ADAM CAROLLA -
The thing is if you have 10 views that land you on the left side of the aisle and two views that land you on the right side of the aisle, then people just put you on the right side of the aisle. I’m not sure why.
ADAM CAROLLA -
[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
ADAM CAROLLA -
The main thing that I learned from my horrible job experiences was how horrible they were.
ADAM CAROLLA -
Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I guess my feeling is that if you’re going to make a joke, that’s fine, but you should also sort of stand behind it, you know? A joke should be more than a joke, it should be a point that you’re trying to make.
ADAM CAROLLA -
Honestly, I’ve always had difficulty relaxing, unwinding and going to bed – that kind of stuff.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I want to work for myself, and I do work for myself. I make plenty of money working for myself.
ADAM CAROLLA -
They advertise the bejeeezus out of yogurt, but I haven’t seen one pie commercial.
ADAM CAROLLA -
I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts.
ADAM CAROLLA -
In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff.
ADAM CAROLLA






