[Giving welfare to poor people] is the equivalent of the government sending [fat people] a jumbo bag of Bugles in the mail twice a month.
ADAM CAROLLASpeaking of sleeping bags, has anything ever had a less creative name?
More Adam Carolla Quotes
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I don’t think I’ve ever seen pie advertised. That’s how you know it’s good. They advertise ice cream and other desserts.
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That’s an interesting philosophical question. When your boner goes away, is that one gone… forever?
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We never pick up a brush and stand in front of our own easel.
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Don’t do your best, do my best.
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I used to be a Democrat, now I’m basically a Republican.
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Being a poor reader was enough to make me not want to do that type of formatted show
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If women built the bridges or were meant to build the bridges, then they would have done it.
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I didn’t have any success in show business until I was 30 to 31 years of age.
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When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. .
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If birds were the size of a T-Rex, the streets would be littered with human remains.
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When I am king, I will revise the sexual bases system so that getting to first base will include oral sex and sodomy!
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I’d be at someone’s house or be up on the roof all day and I’d get lonely – stir crazy – and talk radio became this soothing voice in my life.
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I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn’t very good at it.
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The best gift you can give yourself is some drive–that thing inside of you that gets you out the door to the gym, job interviews, and dates.
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My first car was a motorcycle.
ADAM CAROLLA