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I must have a drink of breakfast.

W. C. Fields

There’s no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Parents Tough
If I had to live my life over, I’d live over a saloon.
W. C. FIELDS

Life Live Myself
Anyone who hates children and animals can’t be all bad.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Bad Children Hate
A woman drove me to drink and I didn’t even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Thankful Woman
Money will not buy happiness, but it will let you be unhappy in nice places.
W. C. FIELDS

Happiness Instagram Captions Money Place
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.
W. C. FIELDS

Believe Empty Food Myself Weird
Wouldn’t it be terrible if I quoted some reliable statistics which prove that more people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Myself People Religious Sanity
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she’ll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. FIELDS

Expectation Herself Life Man Woman Yourself
Don’t worry about your heart, it will last you as long as you live.
W. C. FIELDS

Heart Live Worry Yourself
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Myself Wine
Comedy is merely tragedy happening to someone else.
W. C. FIELDS

Deep Reality Tragedy
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
W. C. FIELDS

Face Man Time

I must have a drink of breakfast.

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I must have a drink of breakfast.

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