black
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I never eat before breakfast.

W. C. Fields

It is well to remember that there are five reasons for drinking: the arrival of a friend, one’s present or future thirst, the excellence of the cognac, or any other reason.
W. C. FIELDS

Excellence Friendship Future Present Reason Remember
I didn’t squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn’t see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Food Myself See
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Funny Man Myself
I must have a drink of breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Food Morning Myself
Sleep! The most beautiful experience in life. Except drink.
W. C. FIELDS

Beautiful Experience Life
My main ambition as a gardener is to water my orange trees with gin, then all I have to do is squeeze the juice into a glass.
W. C. FIELDS

Ambitious Myself Tree
Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.
W. C. FIELDS

Better Sex Worst
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Alcohol Illusion Reality
I drink with impunity, or anyone else who invites me.
W. C. FIELDS

Company Myself
Philadelphia, wonderful town, spent a week there one night.
W. C. FIELDS

Night Time Wonderful
This job will drive me to drink, and for that reason, I will be eternally grateful.
W. C. FIELDS

Drive Grateful Myself Reason
When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.
W. C. FIELDS

Hands Life Yourself
The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
W. C. FIELDS

Animal Breathe
You can’t trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked in it.
W. C. FIELDS

Belief Trust Yourself
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There’s no point in being a damn fool about it.
W. C. FIELDS

Fools Inspirational Quit Success Yourself
You can’t cheat an honest man.
W. C. FIELDS

Honesty Man Yourself
I never met a kid I liked.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Myself One Liner
I have been advised by the best medical authority, at my age, not to attempt to give up alcohol.
W. C. FIELDS

Advice Age Alcohol Authority Give Up Myself
I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.
W. C. FIELDS

Myself Religion Time
Take me down to the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together!
W. C. FIELDS

Togetherness Travel
Children should neither be seen or heard from – ever again.
W. C. FIELDS

Children Hate See
I exercise strong self control. I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
W. C. FIELDS

Control Food Myself Strong
The nation needs to return to the colonial way of life, when a wife was judged by the amount of wood she could split.
W. C. FIELDS

Herself Judgement Life Nation Need Wife
A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.
W. C. FIELDS

Man Pain Woman
Drat! Being the encapsulated view of life.
W. C. FIELDS

Life View
A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.
W. C. FIELDS

Worth Wrong
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
W. C. FIELDS

Morning Smile Start

I never eat before breakfast.

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I never eat before breakfast.

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