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I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn’t get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn’t join a biker club.

Bob Saget

It’s smart to marry your yoga teacher so when you get divorced you know how to go down on yourself.
BOB SAGET

Smart Teacher Yoga
I love my mom! You can too for $12!
BOB SAGET

Affection Emotion Love Mom
Behind every great man in prison is another great man in prison.
BOB SAGET

Behind Every Great Man Men Prison
My humor was kind of from my dad and all the stuff that we went through, which was a lot of death. My humor was an escape.
BOB SAGET

Dad Escape Humor Kind Study Stuff
And turkeys are a bird. A very nervous bird. You’d be nervous too if you knew that one day you’d get your head cut off and… filled with stuffing.
BOB SAGET

Bird Country Cutting People
If you’re hanging out with two negative people, do they equal one positive person?
BOB SAGET

Hanging Negative People Two
The squirrel in my yard really knows his way around the neighborhood.
BOB SAGET

Squirrels Way Yards
The nature of comedy is ‘just do it.’ But I think what’s interesting about it is this joke has been around and why. And it’s just saying what’s wrong and how wrong can you be if you say it.
BOB SAGET

Comedy Interesting Thinking
I was in a supermarket and I saw Paul Newman’s face on salad dressing and spaghetti sauce….I thought he was missing.
BOB SAGET

Dressing Missing Salad Sauce
There are no I’s in we but there are two i’s in Wii.
BOB SAGET

Country People Two Wii
I’d like a nice piece of salmon that’s not too pink inside and yet isn’t too dry or crisp either.
BOB SAGET

Nice Pieces Salmon
Words matter. Especially ones with four letters.
BOB SAGET

Four Letters Matter
Jon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you’re the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.
BOB SAGET

Enjoy Masturbation Public
Sundays are a good day to look at the limitless possibilities of the week ahead. The key is to prolong that feeling by not reading the news.
BOB SAGET

Day Good Reading Sunday
I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn’t get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn’t join a biker club.
BOB SAGET

Biker Club Kids School
When you’re famous, you’re always famous. It doesn’t go away.
BOB SAGET

Away Famous Going

I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn’t get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn’t join a biker club.

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I never went to camp as a kid. I couldn’t get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn’t join a biker club.

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