My father once told me, and it’s stuck with me to this day: As you walk through life, every time you fart it pushes you forward.
BOB SAGETI never went to camp as a kid. I couldn’t get into an Ivy League school. I wouldn’t join a biker club.
More Bob Saget Quotes
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I’d like a nice piece of salmon that’s not too pink inside and yet isn’t too dry or crisp either.
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My favorite procrastination is to make the choice to have valuable times with human beings that I care about instead of holing myself up alone to get my work done.
BOB SAGET -
I have no agenda, nothing to control.
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It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don’t tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o’clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too.
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It’s a new day: Full of promise and love. The only thing that can take away that great feeling is – reading the news or speaking to people.
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I don’t censor myself, but I don’t want to force my sick-skewed version of the world, either.
BOB SAGET -
That was not Bob Saget. His comedic style is definitely more twisted, and he has an edgier side than he showed in Full House.
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I am stressed because once I am flattened out so thin to be able to slide under a doorway, I may never be able to ever be unflattened so I could be regular sized again.
BOB SAGET -
I love my mom! You can too for $12!
BOB SAGET -
I’m fortunate to know a lot of incredibly talented people, and they all want to be a penguin.
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People do what they do to each other and they feed on it.
BOB SAGET -
If you don’t wake up every day happy, change something.
BOB SAGET -
The squirrel in my yard really knows his way around the neighborhood.
BOB SAGET -
I think comedy is on an organic upsurge right now because when I started, it was 1978 at The Comedy Store and Letterman had just stopped emceeing his morning show.
BOB SAGET -
I like to approach every day like it’s my first, so this morning when I woke up I covered my body with red gelatin.
BOB SAGET -
Concerned we’re in a time where politicians can’t even fake sincerity. Aren’t they supposed to be good at that?
BOB SAGET -
I have no plan except to take care of the people I love.
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What I’ve learned about comedy people is that they’re defined by the harshest level they’ve been to, their personal Auschwitz.
BOB SAGET -
A lot of the comedians don’t even tell the joke. Like only three tell the joke, the rest of them dissect it.
BOB SAGET -
The selfish and usually pointless approach is to try to get both done simultaneously – accomplish your work at hand while begging forgiveness of those close to you while you’re basically working in front of them during what could’ve been specifically ‘quality time.’
BOB SAGET -
Most people argue over who’s right, not about what the truth is.
BOB SAGET -
I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.
BOB SAGET -
When someone you love is hurting, if it was possible, you’d want to take their pain for them. But do I really want cramps and sore boobs?
BOB SAGET -
Stop It, stop lighting your butthol on fire, and everybody listen to me. If you light your ass on fire, I hope you have boxers or a filter of somekind, because if your a bareass person.
BOB SAGET -
Jon Lovitz. Jon, your act is like masturbation: you’re the only one who enjoys it, and you should be arrested for doing it in public.
BOB SAGET -
They say, Keep your enemies closer. But what if you live with them?
BOB SAGET