Thank God for Darwin, eh?
BILL BAILEYAdd a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
-
-
Nostalgia: How long’s that been around?
BILL BAILEY -
Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
BILL BAILEY -
The so-called Samaritan squirrel, which takes pity on the spider, and then the spider jumps on it and injects the paralyzing venom, while the squirrel remains bafflingly philosophical about the whole thing.
BILL BAILEY -
I know that to be a true fact because I read it in Heat magazine
BILL BAILEY -
Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
BILL BAILEY -
Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
BILL BAILEY -
The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
BILL BAILEY -
What I’d like to do now – well, what I’d like to do now is grow my beard very long, weave it into my pubes and strum it like a harp.
BILL BAILEY -
Work hard, save and live within your means.
BILL BAILEY -
Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit
BILL BAILEY -
I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
BILL BAILEY -
I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
BILL BAILEY -
People say ‘Bill, are you an optimist?’ And I say, ‘I hope so.’
BILL BAILEY -
Why do people want to swim with dolphins? The equivalent would be an Indonesian fellow coming over here, going up to a farmer and saying ‘Can I get in with the cows? I just fancy scuffling about with them.’
BILL BAILEY -
Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’
BILL BAILEY