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If you’re a host of a video show and you’re on the cleanest show on television for eight years, people want to say, ‘Well, that’s what that person does.’ That was the dilemma for me, career-wise.

Bob Saget

My mom told me she thinks a man in the market felt her up today. I asked, Where did he touch you? She said, On my knee, Bobby.
BOB SAGET

Mom Thinking Today Told
My dad’s like, If your mom and I are having sex and we videotape it and she falls out of bed funny, can I win ten-thousand dollars?
BOB SAGET

Dad Dollar Funny Mom Sex
Just went to the gym and worked on every body part. Four people slapped me.
BOB SAGET

Body Four People
Today is a brand new day. A day of change, of promise, of creativity, of kindness, and of love. I’m going back to bed.
BOB SAGET

Creativity Day Kindness New
Some people rely on rumors and gossip because they are devoid of any original thought.
BOB SAGET

Gossip People Rumor
Paul Riser tells it in an interesting way; he dissects it and tells the structure, you know, ‘you don’t mention that part here.’ But that’s what’s interesting about it and the people who are absent are interesting too.
BOB SAGET

Interesting People Way
What I have now are good problems of trying to decide and what I really want to do is good work next. My phone’s ringing a lot more and I’ve got nine lines so when it doesn’t ring, it’s very frustrating.
BOB SAGET

Lines Phones Trying
I’m a believer that when one door closes another one opens. But why does the one opening always hit me full-speed-knob-first into my nuts?
BOB SAGET

Doe Doors Nuts
I have the brain of a German Shepherd and the body of a 16-year-old boy; they’re both in my car and I want you to see them
BOB SAGET

Boys Car Country Years
They say, Keep your enemies closer. But what if you live with them?
BOB SAGET

Closer Enemies Say
I don’t like to drink alone ’cause there’s nobody to fight with.
BOB SAGET

Causes Drink Fighting
My mom just told me it’s impossible to know what’s going to happen in life. Except with breakfast, cause she eats the same thing every day.
BOB SAGET

Breakfast Causes Mom
I’m fortunate to know a lot of incredibly talented people, and they all want to be a penguin.
BOB SAGET

Penguins People Want
I have no plan except to take care of the people I love.
BOB SAGET

Care Except People Take
What do you do if you’re in the car and your girlfriend touches your crotch then asks you to remind her to get kitchen scissors?
BOB SAGET

Car Girlfriend Kitchen
Sundays are a good day to look at the limitless possibilities of the week ahead. The key is to prolong that feeling by not reading the news.
BOB SAGET

Day Good Reading Sunday

If you’re a host of a video show and you’re on the cleanest show on television for eight years, people want to say, ‘Well, that’s what that person does.’ That was the dilemma for me, career-wise.

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If you’re a host of a video show and you’re on the cleanest show on television for eight years, people want to say, ‘Well, that’s what that person does.’ That was the dilemma for me, career-wise.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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