I’m sort of like a post-modern vegetarian; I eat meat ironically.
BILL BAILEYDo not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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The reason we’d stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom.
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I tend to go through periods worrying, “Where am I going, I can’t see a way out of this,” and it becomes quite stressful. But sometimes you have to take a bet on yourself.
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You remind me of the Siberian hunting spider, which adopts a highly convincing limp in three of its eight legs in order to attract its main prey.
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Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?”
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There’s more evil in the charts than an Al-Qaeda suggestion box.
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How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
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In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
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I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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Marijuana? It’s harmless really, unless you fashion it into a club and beat somebody over the head with it
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I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
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The BBC did a survey of the top 50 things to do before we die. Not while we’re still alive, before we die.
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Welcome to the O2. A unique building in Dublin, in that it is actually finished.
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Three women walk into a pub and say, ‘Hooray, we’ve colonised a male-dominated joke format’
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This shed does not contain me.
BILL BAILEY