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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!

Bill Bailey

If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that’s undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
BILL BAILEY

Easier Enough Happiness Thinking Undeniable
The reason we’d stopped was that the buffet car was on fire, that was the reason we stopped. One of the giant biscuits spontaneously combusted out of boredom.
BILL BAILEY

Biscuits Fire Funny Humor Spontaneous
I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
BILL BAILEY

Country Foxes Funny Knocking Running Scrambling
I’m English and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise.
BILL BAILEY

Disappointment Kinder Surprise
Orchestras have often been used to conjure up the natural world: Swans, sharks, trout, but not, as far as I know, the often maligned jellyfish.
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Natural Swan
How many amoebas does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, no two! No four! …no eight!
BILL BAILEY

Eight Funny Humor Light Screw
I am a confectionery-based existentialist.
BILL BAILEY

Existentialist Funny Humor
The way we live in the West we live like kings. People moan about this and that in Britain but we have running water, electricity, security and a rule of law and so many people in the world don’t have these.
BILL BAILEY

Electricity Kings Law People Running
Yes. Yes, when we live our life like 1950s detective films. I often go to my fridge, “Hullo, we’re out of milk. I say mother, where’s the milk?”
BILL BAILEY

Funny Humor Milk Mother
Toughest job I ever had: selling doors, door to door.
BILL BAILEY

Door Funny Humor Jobs More
In Unity there is strength; We can move mountains when we’re united and enjoy life – Without unity we are victims. Stay united.
BILL BAILEY

Enjoying Life Moving Strength
Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
BILL BAILEY

Cheese Funny Humor West
So many beautiful things, I cannot possess them all!
BILL BAILEY

Beautiful Possess Things
I never really thought comedy was a career option, just something I did for fun. Suddenly I realised I was getting paid which was a bonus. I studied for a diploma with the London College of Music, and teaching was something I thought I might do but comedy intervened.
BILL BAILEY

Bonus College Fun Paid Suddenly Teaching
I try to appreciate the simple things. I’ve just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
BILL BAILEY

Enjoyed Holiday Morning Son
Stupid National Anthem… Look at this flag; Two bears fighting over a pineapple. What kind of message does that send to the world? “Come to Belarus, where wild animals will steal your fruit.”
BILL BAILEY

Fighting Funny Humor Message Pineapple Stupid

Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!

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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!

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