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Mister, I don’t want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don’t even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain’t looking for no trouble, Mister.

Bill Hicks

They believe the bible is the exact word of God – Then they change the bible! Pretty presumptuous, hu huh? “I think what God meant to say…”
BILL HICKS

Believe God Thinking Word
Any organization created out of fear must create fear to survive.
BILL HICKS

Created Fear Organization
Nicotine patches are great. Stick one over each eye and you can’t find your fags.
BILL HICKS

Cigarette Smoke Eye Smoking
I smoke to fill the potholes in my soul
BILL HICKS

Funny Humor Soul
What did moths bump into before the electric light bulb was invented? Boy, the lightbulb really screwed the moth up didn’t it? Are there moths on their way to the sun now going, It’s gonna be worth it!.
BILL HICKS

Boys Light Lightbulb Sun
Shut up! Go back to bed, America. Your government is in control. Here’s Love Connection. Watch this and get fat and stupid.
BILL HICKS

Country Government Stupid
I’m glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, “My God! I love everything.” Yeah, now if that isn’t a hazard to our country…
BILL HICKS

Country Happened Law Mushrooms
I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.
BILL HICKS

Funny Humor Mean
They proved that if you quit smoking, it will prolong your life. What they haven’t proved is that a prolonged life is a good thing. I haven’t seen the stats on that yet.
BILL HICKS

Comedian Good Life Smoking
It’s an insane world, and I’m proud to be a part of it.
BILL HICKS

Insane Part Proud World
Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don’t know one child with a full time job and children.
BILL HICKS

Children Funny Jobs
What kind of people are these with such low self-esteem that they need a war to feel better about themselves?
BILL HICKS

Esteem Feeling Better Self War
[Comedy] is an escape from illusions. The audience is…thinking, ‘This bullshit we see and hear all day makes no sense.’
BILL HICKS

Bullshit Comedy Thinking
I began working quite young, writing, growing, maturing, always striving to top myself – to make people laugh hard at things they know and believe deep in their hearts to be true.
BILL HICKS

Believe Deep Heart Writing
While I’ve found many of the religious shows I’ve viewed over the years not to be to my liking, or in line with my own beliefs, I’ve never considered it my place to exert any greater type of censorship than changing the channel, or better yet – turning off the TV completely.
BILL HICKS

Freedom Religious Speech Years
I’d…bet enthusiasm for ‘ethnic cleansing’ will wane if only sticks and rocks are available for the warring parties.
BILL HICKS

Enthusiasm Party Rocks

Mister, I don’t want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don’t even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain’t looking for no trouble, Mister.

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Mister, I don’t want no trouble. I just came downtown here to get some hard rock candy for my kids, some gingham for my wife. I don’t even know what gingham is, but she goes through about ten rolls a week of that stuff. I ain’t looking for no trouble, Mister.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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