I used to drink, I did, I had to quit. Man, I was an embarrassing drunk. I’d get pulled over by the cops, I’d be so drunk I’d be out dancing to their lights thinking I’d made it to another club.
BILL HICKSMarijuana grows naturally…Don’t you think making nature against the law seems a bit, I don’t know, unnatural?
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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….All drugs should be legal. War is wrong. The rich get richer. The poor get poorer. Thank you. I’ll be here all week.
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My voice was not heard, the questions were not asked that I wanted to see asked.
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I’m glad mushrooms are against the law, because I took them one time, and you know what happened to me? I laid in a field of green grass for four hours going, “My God! I love everything.” Yeah, now if that isn’t a hazard to our country…
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People always snap and think they’re Jesus. How come no one ever snaps and thinks they’re Buddha?
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I’ve had good times on drugs…bad times on drugs…But I’ve had good and bad relationships…and I’m not giving up pussy.
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I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.
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We’ll see who believes in me now. I am the Prankster God – I am killing me!
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You’re not a human till you’re in my phone book. There. My hat is now in the political ring.
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Women priests. Great, great. Now there’s priests of both sexes I don’t listen to.
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To me pornography is…spending all your money and not educating the people in America, but spending it instead on weapons.
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I saw…a kid on a leash. You seen these people? Kid on a leash? How horrible. Put him in the pound where he belongs.
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The world’s like a ride in a fairground & when you choose to go on it you think it’s real, that’s how powerful our minds are
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The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they’ve never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people’s minds, exposing them to the light.
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It is hard to quit smoking. Every one of them looks real good to me right about now. Every cigarette looks like it was made by God, rolled by Jesus and moistened shut with Claudia Schiffer’s pussy.
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How do I know the Bible isn’t the word of God? Well if it was the word of God it would be clear and easy to understand…considering God was the creator of LANGUAGE!
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May I suggest, instead of a war to feel better about yourself, perhaps… sit-ups? Maybe a fruit cup? Eight glasses of water a day?
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A Christian will say… “I believe God created me in one day” Yeah, looks liked He rushed it.
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Why is marijuana against the law? It grows naturally on our planet, serves a thousand different functions, all of them positive. To make marijuana against the law is like saying that God made a mistake.
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The American dream is a crock. Stop wanting everything. Everyone should wear jeans and have three T-shirts, eat rice and beans.
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Let’s do some comedy. I always like to add some comedy to my show. Those who’ve seen me before might know that.
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I’m an American who loves an America which doesn’t exist, which is a land of freedom and free ideas.
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I’d…bet enthusiasm for ‘ethnic cleansing’ will wane if only sticks and rocks are available for the warring parties.
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Well we looked at all the people in the Bible and we added ’em up all the way back to Adam and Eve, their ages: 12,000 years.
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Truly, the only stupid people I’ve ever met, the most absolutely clueless, are the very people that produce television.
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Now I wonder why we’re f-ked up as a race. I’ve read the Bible. I can’t find the word “bunny” or “chocolate” anywhere in the f-king book.
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There is a 3rd point of view on the gun control issue – those who I refer to as THE VICTIMS – but they remain strangely silent.
BILL HICKS