Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.
BILL BAILEYWork hard, save and live within your means.
More Bill Bailey Quotes
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It’s the augmented fourth, or diminished fifth, depending on your outlook on life.
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Tonight’s show is about doubt. Or maybe it isn’t – haven’t made my mind up yet.
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If you have enough money to be comfortable it makes life a lot easier and that’s undeniable. But I think happiness is more elusive.
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Work hard, save and live within your means.
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Three blokes go into a pub. Something happens. The outcome was hilarious!
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I try to appreciate the simple things. I’ve just been camping with my son and I enjoyed that just as much if not more than a holiday in a posh hotel. I like making a cup of tea and bacon sarnie in the morning.
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I spent my childhood scrambling round badgers and foxes and playing fantastic country kid games like knocking on people’s doors and running away. God that was a good game.
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Without the beat in the background, Jazz basically sounds like an armadillo was let loose on the keyboard.
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It’s not a beard, it’s an animal I’ve trained to sit very still.
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Television is where you earn regular money so you can plan a little bit but even then only when you have a regular gig. If you’re just doing the odd appearance, you don’t know if it will carry on.
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Thank God for Darwin, eh?
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I’m English, and as such I crave disappointment. That’s why I buy Kinder Surprise. Horrible chocolate; nasty little toy: a double-whammy of disillusionment! Sometimes I eat the toy out of sheer despair.
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Or, as I call it, a Cheesel, it’s a Weasel with a Cheese finish.
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But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”
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Do not crush the flowers of wisdom with the hobnail boots of cynicism.
BILL BAILEY