I hire people that are good, and aren’t crazy. Or assholes. Because that takes up too much time. There are just as many good people who are not crazy.
TINA FEYEverybody kind of gets to be the person they didn’t get to be.
More Tina Fey Quotes
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Thomas Jefferson-another gorgeous white boy who would not have been interested in me. This was my problem in a nutshell. To get some play in Charlottesville, you had to be either a Martha Jefferson or a Sally Hemings.
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In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students. There were no survivors.
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I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it’s only because I struggle with math.
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You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.
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I don’t like a tremendous amount of conflict. I don’t think that fighting and passion are the same thing.
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In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I’m sorry, did I say ‘scientists’? I meant Irish people.
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For my first show at ‘SNL’, I wrote a Bill Clinton sketch, and during our read-through, it wasn’t getting any laughs.
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When a man plays a woman in a dress, you’re halfway there. It’s inherently funny. When a woman plays a man, for whatever reason, it’s not that instant kind of funny.
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Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.
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A Clinical Study. Taking some time to read each night really taught me how to feign narcolepsy when my husband asked me what my “plan” was for taking down the Christmas tree.
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I can’t possibly take time off for a second baby, unless I do, in which case that is nobody’s business and I’ll never regret it for a moment unless it ruins my life.
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You transition as a mother from literally just pulling a booger out of that person’s nose whenever you see one until at some point they assert: “No, I’m a person. You can’t fix my underpants on the subway.”
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If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important Rule of Beauty. “Who cares?”
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Seriously, I’ve just realized that almost everyone is a fraud, so I try not to feel too bad about it.
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You’re not in competition with other women. You’re in competition with everyone.
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In real life, people in the most dire situations must cope through humor.
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Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion, just thinking foolishly that you will be able to do what you want to do
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Whatever the problem, be part of the solution. Don’t just sit around raising questions and pointing out obstacles.
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I have no affinity for animals. I don’t hate animals and I would never hurt an animal; I just don’t actively care about them.
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Sometimes if you have a difficult decisin to make, just stall until the answer presents itself.
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Nothing is creepier than a bunch of adults being very quiet.
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I got a fan letter on the back of a prison menu. And I remember thinking, ‘Well, they get pie. It’s not so bad. They get pie on the weekends.’ I want to say blueberry and also a Boston cream pie. Not so bad.
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In my experience, the hardest thing about having someone “come out” to you is the “pretending to be surprised” part.
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Lesson learned? When people say, “You really, really must” do something, it means you don’t really have to. No one ever says, “You really, really must deliver the baby during labor.” When it’s true, it doesn’t need to be said.
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Politics and prostitution have to be the only jobs where inexperience is considered a virtue.
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Photoshop is just like makeup. When it’s done well it looks great, and when it’s overdone you look like a crazy asshole.
TINA FEY