“You have to have a catcher because if you don’t you’re likely to have a lot of passed balls.”

Been in this game one-hundred years, but I see new ways to lose ’em I never knew existed before.

The Yankees don’t pay me to win every day, just two out of three.

They told me my services were no longer desired because they wanted to put in a youth program as an advance way of keeping the club going. I’ll never make the mistake of being seventy again.

I came in here and a fella asked me to have a drink. I said I don’t drink. Then another fella said hear you and Joe DiMaggio aren’t speaking and I said I’ll take that drink.

The Mets have shown me more ways to lose than I even knew existed.

The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game. It’s that they stay out all night looking for it.

Ability is the art of getting credit for all the home runs somebody else hits.

When you are younger you get blamed for crimes you never committed and when you’re older you begin to get credit for virtues you never possessed. It evens itself out.

I’ve tried to give a dollar and 25 cents in work for every dollar paid me.

I don’t know if he throws a spitball but he sure spits on the ball.

If I’ve got a good pinch-hitter, I hate to have him stay on the bench with men on the bases in an early inning. He may end the game right there.

Finding good players is easy. Getting them to play as a team is another story.

Never make predictions, especially about the future.

No baseball pitcher would be worth a darn without a catcher who could handle the hot fastball.

Everybody line up alphabetically according to your height.

I was not successful as a ball player, as it was a game of skill.

Some scenes you juggle two balls, some scenes you juggle three balls, some scenes you can juggle five balls.

He’s passing the ball like Idi Amin.

Everything my mother made had to cook for 80 hours, and when she made matzoh balls she didn’t know fluffy. Everything sank.

Villains are a ball. People have been laughing at me for 50 years, so I love to sit in the back of the theater and listen to them hate me.

The only thing in this world that gives orders is balls.

I’ve come to realize that I perform best when I’m letting my subconscious mind hit the ball and my conscious mind is otherwise occupied.

When you live from freelance check to freelance check, your mind is always on “What’s the next piece I’m going to write, or draw, that’ll pay this month’s rent?” And so going out to play ball with my kids was a low priority.

I’m a bit of a shill for the Clinton Administration, which has its perks. I’m invited to all the inaugural balls.