Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.
GEORGE BURNSDon’t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
More George Burns Quotes
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Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that’s down can come up.
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It’s hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.
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I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.
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I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.
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Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
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You’ve got to be honest; if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
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I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.
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I don’t believe in dying. It’s been done. I’m working on a new exit. Besides, I can’t die now – I’m booked.
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If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.
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Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
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I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.
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I’m at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.
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You can’t help getting older, but you don’t have to get old.
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Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.
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Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.
GEORGE BURNS