You can’t fix stupid.
RON WHITEI’ve got a great cigar collection – it’s actually not a collection, because that would imply I wasn’t going to smoke every last one of ’em.
More Ron White Quotes
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I always wanted to be a popular comedian.
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The only way to stay sharp is to do live shows. There is no part-time comedy.
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The only thing I really worry about is my live stand-up show because I have to answer to the fans.
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I love Cincinnati, but you can keep that spaghetti chili product!
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I believe everything creative is somewhat collaborative.
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Pace, rhythm and timing. Pace, rhythm and timing is what it’s about. The content’s got to be great, but then it’s got to be delivered. It’s a tricky thing to do, and it takes a lot of work.
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My goal is just to become a better comedian.
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Somebody the other day had a review, called me ‘America’s reprobate.’ And I don’t even know what that means, but I kinda like the way it sounds.
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The next time you have a thought… let it go.
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You know, my first album, some of those jokes I’d done for twelve years because I couldn’t throw ’em out.
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You can tell on-stage when a joke’s starting to lose its pop. It doesn’t mean people don’t want to hear it anymore; it means I don’t want to do it anymore. Because I want to move on to something that has a knee-jerk reaction just like you get when you tell somebody a joke that they’ve never heard.
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I go through about 140 cities a year.
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We always go out looking for live music after our shows.
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I don’t think we have a surplus of fine educators in this country that we can just start dropping them for no reason whatsoever.
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The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can’t even spell. I don’t even have a high school diploma. I’m smart, but you can’t prove it on paper.
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I begged the universe to make me a famous comedian, and it did. So I tend not to ask for any more.
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I’ve never been one to look up the ladder. I’ve always looked down the ladder. As long as there’s one guy down there, I’m fine.
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When I was about 12 years old back in Houston, my Dad used to take us to the driving range.
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I didn’t get where I am today by worryin’ about how I’d feel tomorrow.
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I guarantee there’s people who watch television who have no idea how complicated it is to make a television show.
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If I see someone out there mouthing the words to a bit, I’m not having fun.
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I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… And try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party.
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If you watch the ‘Blue Collar Comedy Tour,’ don’t expect that when you come see me by myself, ’cause it’s a little rougher.
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The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith’s ‘What It Was, Was Football.’ I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn’t know what any of it meant.
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There have been times when I played more than others, but I’ve been a road comic for a quarter of a century, so I’ve always played golf on the road because you have a lot of time to kill.
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I was talking to a guy who was holding his 18-month-old daughter with the only limb he had left, and he had a smile on his face. I thought, ‘I’m not even a 10th of this man.’
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