It never dawned on me that I had the option of becoming a comedian. I come from a little dirt street town in northwest Texas, and they really don’t talk about the arts there much on career day.
RON WHITEI go to more open mic nights than open mikers.
More Ron White Quotes
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The way my brain processes information is quite odd. I mean, I have Attention Deficit Disorder and another learning disability I can’t even spell. I don’t even have a high school diploma. I’m smart, but you can’t prove it on paper.
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TV is a hard job. You work 15 hours a day. People tell you what to do. I hate to do it.
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My uncle was a preacher, and I used to go watch him preach. He was also funny, so I’m very ‘preacher-ish’ on stage, not by intent but because that’s where I learned to talk in front of people.
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I’m not willing to drag my fans down a road I don’t believe in. That’s just my one little principle. I’ve only got one, and that’s it.
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I want my fans to feel like we’re always in touch. Because without ’em, I wouldn’t be able to do any of this.
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I don’t do talk shows or go on Dr. Phil’s show. He’s a friend of mine, and, no, he doesn’t give me any advice. He doesn’t give solicited advice.
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I’ve asked these guys in rock bands with all the 18-wheelers driving to the venue how they make money. I just don’t understand it. But I don’t understand a lot of things.
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I get e-mail from all over the world, and from lawyers and doctors and whoever – plumbers and drywall hangers.
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If you watch the ‘Blue Collar Comedy Tour,’ don’t expect that when you come see me by myself, ’cause it’s a little rougher.
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You can’t fix stupid.
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I still love to walk on stage and make people laugh, and I work very, very hard at it, and I take it seriously.
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I was so in love with the idea of making people laugh for a living that I didn’t care what I had to do to get there. Or how much money I was going to make when I did get there.
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There’s not a pill you can take; there’s not a class you can go to. Stupid is forever.
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I begged the universe to make me a famous comedian, and it did. So I tend not to ask for any more.
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There are two kinds of comics; there are the ones who build bridges, and then there are the people who walk across the bridges as though they built them. The bridge builders are few and far between.
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I believe that a bad Super Bowl halftime show is still better than a soccer game.
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I’ve been married a few times. I’m not good at it.
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My favorite bands are the Allman Brothers and Red Hot Chili Peppers.
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The Majestic Theatre in San Antone is as good as it gets.
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Diamonds – that’ll shut her up… for a minute!
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That’s the beauty of being a straight-to-DVD star. It really helps you stay under the media’s radar.
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Let’s face it: a lot of my material comes from the stuff that happens to me on the road.
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You know, my first album, some of those jokes I’d done for twelve years because I couldn’t throw ’em out.
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I don’t have a specific plan except for as long as people want to listen to me talk, I’m going to keep talking. I can’t imagine a life without doing standup.
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I’m not the judge of who that is, but I am a believer that no debt in the universe goes unpaid. If you try to buy early, you’ll pay late.
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The bulk of my fans are my age, and I’m aging at the same rate they are. That makes me relevant. They like hearing what I have to say. I work hard at it, but it’s addicting, really.
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