Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce.
P. J. O'ROURKEIdeology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy.
More P. J. O'Rourke Quotes
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Stupid is a great force in human affairs.
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Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere.
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Head lice have their own animal-rights group, or may as well. The National Pediculosis Association doesn’t exactly advocate letting lice live with dignity, but it does oppose pediculicidal treatments.
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They are just really stupid people in Hollywood. You write them a script, and they say they love it, they absolutely love it. Then they say, ‘But doesn’t it need a small dog, and an Eskimo, and shouldn’t it be set in New Guinea?’ And you say, ‘But it is a sophisticated romantic comedy set in Paris.’
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Just because a subject is serious doesn’t mean it doesn’t have plenty of absurdities.
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Call a man ‘ignorant,’ and you have license to show the world your vast fund of knowledge and wise him up.
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Politics is a necessary evil, or a necessary annoyance, a necessary conundrum.
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We will win an election when all the seats in the House and Senate and the chair behind the desk in the Oval Office and the whole bench of the Supreme Court are filled with people who wish they weren’t there.
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Family love is messy, clinging, and of an annoying and repetitive pattern, like bad wallpaper.
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Don’t send funny greeting cards on birthdays or at Christmas. Save them for funerals, when their cheery effect is needed.
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What Alexander Graham Bell thought up occupied less space than a flower vase. Now it’s so small that I have to search all my pockets to discover I’ve received a spam text.
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Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.
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Political systems are run by self-selecting politicians. We don’t draft people; it’s not jury duty.
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Preachers at black churches are the last people left in the English-speaking world who know the schemes and tropes of classical rhetoric: parallelism, antithesis, epistrophe, synecdoche, metonymy, periphrasis, litotes – the whole bag of tricks.
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Everybody in the Middle East wants to explain why they’re right.
P. J. O'ROURKE