“You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork.”

I know now that everything I write, I’m going to put out, and I’ll have to live with it for the rest of my life.

I’ve done a movie and a TV series, and someday I’d like to do a successful movie and a successful TV series. That would be nice.

They do everything from gangsta rap to polka music and every genre in between. It’s amazing.

I don’t want to hear about this train being derailed! What happened to ‘The Flintstones’?’

He died a long painful death. However, you’ll be happy to hear that just a few years later he was reincarnated as Shirley MacLaine.

I always try to put myself out of my comfort zone and out of my depth, and hopefully somewhere along the line I’ll catch up.

I knew we were having problems when you put those piranhas in my bathtub again.

There are a lot of songs that would ostensibly be a good candidate for parody, yet I can’t think of a clever enough idea.

You don’t need to be defined by your job.

I can bend paper clips into the shapes of small animals.

You fake something until you’re good at it.

I’m an ugly girl, My face makes you hurl, Sad I have it, I should bag it. Acne everywhere, Unwanted facial hair. I’m a relation to Frankenstein’s creation.

Somebody will come up to me after a show and have me sign their arm, and the next time I see them my autograph has been permanently inscribed on their arm.

You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill, now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will.

Whenever I do a parody it’s not meant to make you hate anybody’s music really.

It was difficult to get into my friends’ rock bands when I was a teenager.

They shot the ball well early. What comes out of the microwave hot doesn’t always stay hot. I know, because I eat bagels in the morning.