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You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork.

Al Yankovic

Somebody will come up to me after a show and have me sign their arm, and the next time I see them my autograph has been permanently inscribed on their arm.
AL YANKOVIC

Arm Autograph Come Next Permanent Show Somebody Time Up
In the ’80s, I was the only game in town, I was the only one getting that kind of exposure in any rotation on MTV.
AL YANKOVIC

Eighty Exposure Game Getting Kind One Only Rotation Town
When I swore that you’re getting more and more beautiful everyday. Well, I was only kidding, honey.
AL YANKOVIC

Beautiful Everyday Honesty Kid More
I start with a comprehensive list of all the recent songs that have been big hits – and then I go down that list and see if I can come up with funny ideas for them. I can always come up with ideas, but not necessarily good ones!
AL YANKOVIC

Been Big Down Hit Idea List Recent Song
I dated Siamese twins, I slept with Big Foot, too. Get me on Sally Jesse, put me on Donahue.
AL YANKOVIC

Big Date Foot Put Sally Siamese Slept Too Twin
My velvet Elvis means the world to me. Although he may not be worth much dough, he means more to me than some old Rembrandt or Van Gogh.
AL YANKOVIC

Although Dough Mean Some Velvet World Worth
I was able to come up with a couple articles for the magazine, I was able to solicit help from a bunch of my friends to contribute pieces: Patton Oswalt, Seth Green, Emo Phillips, Chris Hardwick, John Hodgman, and more.
AL YANKOVIC

Able Article Bunch Come Couple Friend Magazine Solicit
One of the hardest things I’ve had to deal with in my career is keeping my material topical even though I only release albums every three or four years.
AL YANKOVIC

Album Career Deel Keep Material Three Topical Year
What kind of morons do you have working at newspapers in Austin that would base an entire review of an artist’s performance on whether or not they had a good seat?
AL YANKOVIC

Artist Attention Austin Kind More Music
The music has always been my bread and butter, and I’ve focused more of my attention on that.
AL YANKOVIC

Always Attention Bread Butter Focus Music
I like to think that I’ve gotten better at what I do. I spend more time and pay more attention to detail album after album. But pretty much it’s stayed the same.
AL YANKOVIC

Ablum Album Attention Better Detail Gotten More Pay Spend Think Time
If money can’t buy happiness, then I guess I’ll have to rent it.
AL YANKOVIC

Buy Happiness Guess Money Rent Sassy
Sometimes I get, “Have you ever thought about doing real music?” I like to think the music I do is real, it just happens to be funny.
AL YANKOVIC

Funny Happen Music Real Sometimes Think Thought
I tend to enunciate pretty well. It’s always seemed that my voice is one of those voices that people can recognize pretty easily – which has been a bit of a drawback for some characters.
AL YANKOVIC

Always Character Drawback Easily Enunciate People Pretty Recognize Seem Tenth Voice
So that’s why one of my rules of parody writing is that it’s gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.
AL YANKOVIC

Funny Gotta Know Material Merit Parody Regard Rule Source Write
You fake something until you’re good at it.
AL YANKOVIC

Fake Good Something Until

You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork.

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You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork.

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