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You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork.

Al Yankovic

I make charts of songs that are good candidates, good targets, so to speak.
AL YANKOVIC

Candidate Chart Good Idea Song Speak Target Try
I think I’m equally as abusive as the editors normally are for the “Letters and Tomatoes” column, which is the fan mail part of MAD Magazine and an ongoing feature.
AL YANKOVIC

Abusive Column Editor Equally Letter Mad Normal Ongoing Think Tomato
I think that nerds, if you want to call them that, have only gotten more hip and assimilated into the culture.
AL YANKOVIC

Assimilate Call Culture Gotten More Nerd Think Want
I do original songs in the style of other artists, where I try to learn all their musical idiosyncrasies and try to do something that sounds like them and yet is a bit more sick and twisted.
AL YANKOVIC

Artist Feel Idiosyncraisies Learn Like Musical Original Something Song Sound Try Twist
I like to think that I’ve gotten better at what I do. I spend more time and pay more attention to detail album after album. But pretty much it’s stayed the same.
AL YANKOVIC

Ablum Album Attention Better Detail Gotten More Pay Spend Think Time
A lot of my cartoon voices are basically just variations on my natural voice.
AL YANKOVIC

Basic Cartoon Natural Variation Voice
It becomes more important to me as time goes on to make every album the best thing I’ve ever done, so it’s a lot of self-imposed pressure that also kind of slows me down a bit.
AL YANKOVIC

Album Best Done Go Important Next Self Thing Time
I’ll be mellow when I’m dead.
AL YANKOVIC

Dead Death Mellow Suicide
Got a brand new semi-automatic weapon with a laser sight. Oh, I’m praying that somebody tries to break in here tonight.
AL YANKOVIC

Automatic Brand Laser Play Revenge Semi Sight Tonight Try
Sometimes I get, “Have you ever thought about doing real music?” I like to think the music I do is real, it just happens to be funny.
AL YANKOVIC

Funny Happen Music Real Sometimes Think Thought
I did have a child, and I was reading a lot of picture books to her, but at the same time writing a children’s book was something that I’d been wanting to do for many years, pretty much since the start of my career.
AL YANKOVIC

Book Career Child Picture Pretty Raed Same Time Want Year
I’ve always known that if I recorded an album, it would come out, and people would enjoy it!
AL YANKOVIC

Album Always Come Enjoy Guy People Record Script
I try to pick songs that I actually like because I realize that I have to live with these songs for a long time, from when I’m working on them in the studio to possibly playing them onstage for the rest of my life.
AL YANKOVIC

Actual Life Long Onstage Pick Possible Realize Rest Song Studio Time Work
That’s something the kids should know about. Reading is a gateway to witchcraft and lesbianism.
AL YANKOVIC

Gateway Kid Lesbian Read Something Witchcraft
I dated Siamese twins, I slept with Big Foot, too. Get me on Sally Jesse, put me on Donahue.
AL YANKOVIC

Big Date Foot Put Sally Siamese Slept Too Twin
Many years ago I found out something about hamburgers that really grossed me out. You may not know this, so I hope I don’t make you sick, but it turns out hamburgers are actually made out of dead cows.
AL YANKOVIC

Gross Hamburger Many Out Sick Something Year
As it turns out, there is a thing called the Internet, and stuff does go out there whether the suits like it or not.
AL YANKOVIC

Doe Internet Like Out Stuff Suit Turn
Left all my Beatle records out in the sun, got a coke bottle stuck on the end of my tongue.
AL YANKOVIC

Bottle Coke End Got Left Nestle Record Stuck Sun Tongue
If something is good enough, it can be out there and people will see it.
AL YANKOVIC

Enough Good People See Something
I’m very analytical, I’m very precise. I mean, I don’t write for kids.
AL YANKOVIC

Analytical Kid Precise Very Write
It’s very much a “Weird Al” themed issue, so I’d like to think that there’s a lot of “Weird Al” flavor throughout but I think it’d be generous really to call me an editor.
AL YANKOVIC

Call Editor Generous Issue Think Throughout Weird
As my father used to tell me, the only true sign of success in life is being able to do for a living that which makes you happy.
AL YANKOVIC

Able Dad Father Life Live Make Success
There are a lot of songs that would ostensibly be a good candidate for parody, yet I can’t think of a clever enough idea.
AL YANKOVIC

Candidate Enough Good Idea Ostensibly Parody Song Think
In the ’80s, I was putting out an album virtually every year, I think mostly based on fear – that if I didn’t, people would soon forget about me.
AL YANKOVIC

Album Based Eighty Every Fear Forget Mostly People Put Think Virtual Year
I decided that I wanted to be a voice on every animated cartoon in the history of the world – even shows that haven’t been on the air for a very long time, that’s going to be harder to pull off.
AL YANKOVIC

Animate Cartoon Decide History Long Show Time Voice Want Worlds
Ever since the day you left me, I’ve been so miserable, my dear. I feel almost as bad as I did when you were still here.
AL YANKOVIC

Almost Dear Ever Feel Left Me Miserable Since You
In fact, when I come up with an idea for a parody I try to resist the urge to Google the idea to see if someone has done it already because the answer is almost always, “Yes, of course they have, they’ve thought of it!”
AL YANKOVIC

Come Fact Google Idea Parody Resist Someone

You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork.

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You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork.

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