“I know now that everything I write, I’m going to put out, and I’ll have to live with it for the rest of my life.”

It fit pretty nicely into my schedule because we’d pretty much finished the bulk of promotion for Mandatory Fun and were just getting geared up for the World Tour so this was a nice time for me to be working on it.

Beans, beans, the magic legumes – the more you ingest, the more you consume.

At this point I’ve got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when ‘Weird Al’ wants to go parody, it’s not meant to make them look bad… it’s meant to be a tribute.

I don’t want to pooh-pooh modern pop. I appreciate that as well, but my personal favorite kind of music is guitar-based rock. I like grunge and garage bands and alternative music, but that’s more my personal taste.

I decided that I wanted to be a voice on every animated cartoon in the history of the world – even shows that haven’t been on the air for a very long time, that’s going to be harder to pull off.

Sometimes I get, “Have you ever thought about doing real music?” I like to think the music I do is real, it just happens to be funny.

Got a brand new semi-automatic weapon with a laser sight. Oh, I’m praying that somebody tries to break in here tonight.

Many years ago I found out something about hamburgers that really grossed me out. You may not know this, so I hope I don’t make you sick, but it turns out hamburgers are actually made out of dead cows.

On the other hand, I can get all the Metallica songs I want for FREE! WOW!

I think I’m equally as abusive as the editors normally are for the “Letters and Tomatoes” column, which is the fan mail part of MAD Magazine and an ongoing feature.

There’s enough people that do unfunny music. I’ll leave the serious stuff to Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline.

In the ’80s, I was the only game in town, I was the only one getting that kind of exposure in any rotation on MTV.

No Joni Mitchell 8 track tapes in my car.

That’s something the kids should know about. Reading is a gateway to witchcraft and lesbianism.

I’ve always known that if I recorded an album, it would come out, and people would enjoy it!

Left all my Beatle records out in the sun, got a coke bottle stuck on the end of my tongue.

Not thinking about anything is zen. Once you know this, walking, standing, sitting, or lying down, everything you do is zen. To know that the mind is empty is to see the buddha…. Using the mind to reality is delusion. Not using the mind to look for reality is awareness. Freeing oneself from words is liberation.

For the Fascist, everything is the State, and nothing human or spiritual exists, much less has value, outside the State. In this sense Fascism is totalitarian.

Imagine now a man who is deprived of everyone he loves, and at the same time of his house, his habits, his clothes, in short, of everything he possesses: he will be a hollow man, reduced to suffering and needs, forgetful of dignity and restraint, for he who loses all often loses himself.

I mean that everything this afternoon has been too beautiful, and that perhaps everything together will never be so right again. I’m very glad therefore you’ve been a part of it.

Sensual is everything that refers to the delight of the senses. And that’s what artists do, is stimulate the senses in any possible way.

You see how this House of Commons has begun to verify all the ill prophecies that were made of it – low, vulgar, meddling with everything, assuming universal competency, and flattering every base passion – and sneering at everything noble refined and truly national.

Being gritty doesn’t mean not showing pain or pretending everything is O.K. In fact, when you look at healthy and successful and giving people, they are extraordinarily meta-cognitive. They’re able to say things like, ‘Dude, I totally lost my temper this morning.’ That ability to reflect on yourself is signature to grit.

Everything good and bad comes from your own mind. To find something beyond the mind is impossible.