“I think that was the genesis of my polka medleys, because every rock song I played on the accordion just sounded like a polka and my friends thought it was funny.”

You don’t need to be defined by your job.

I can bend paper clips into the shapes of small animals.

You fake something until you’re good at it.

I’m an ugly girl, My face makes you hurl, Sad I have it, I should bag it. Acne everywhere, Unwanted facial hair. I’m a relation to Frankenstein’s creation.

Somebody will come up to me after a show and have me sign their arm, and the next time I see them my autograph has been permanently inscribed on their arm.

You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill, now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will.

Whenever I do a parody it’s not meant to make you hate anybody’s music really.

It was difficult to get into my friends’ rock bands when I was a teenager.

Whereas if I wrote a movie script, chances are better than even that I’d just be another guy in L.A. with a movie script in his drawer.

I’ve always enjoyed animation and voiceover work. That’s something that I’ve been proactive about.

People never ask people doing serious music, ‘Do you ever think about doing funny music?’

A lot of my cartoon voices are basically just variations on my natural voice.

There aren’t that many superstars around anymore.

I’m watching the charts every week and hoping something will pop into my head.

I don’t watch a lot of other people’s parodies because I don’t want to be unduly influenced.

Until you came along I never dated anyone this low on the food chain.

I’ve gathered some of my close musical and comedian friends, and we’re going to see if we can’t bring a few laughs to these soldiers, raise some money, and hopefully lift their spirits.

Ultimately I’m the writer for me, but also, anytime one of my friends gets stuck with a bit, they can call me, and I’m pretty good at helping them get there.

My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.

Only choose in marriage a man whom you would choose as a friend if he were a woman.

A true friend is the greatest of all blessings, and that which we take the least care of all to acquire.

I like to look good, my friend.

Gradually, I developed opinions about food, and my French friends taught me that you have to complain in a restaurant.

In the misfortunes of our best friends we always find something not altogether displeasing to us.