“Doing things that I don’t know how to do, and keep doing them until I get good at them.”

I have very mixed feelings about it. On one hand, I’m concerned that the rampant downloading of my copyright-protected material over the Internet is severely eating into my album sales and having a decidedly adverse effect on my career.

Then I try to come up with ideas for parodies. And 99% of those ideas are horrible.

When I started out, I didn’t feel like I was really accepted in the music or comedy communities, and I was somewhere on the edge, but now I feel like I’m accepted in both, which is extremely gratifying.

I don’t like to label myself. I know I’m very hard to pigeonhole.

Velvet Elvis never puts on weight.

I think my chances of ever making it into the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame are about as good as Milli Vanilli’s.

I can’t say enough good things about my band. I feel very fortunate that I found them when I did, very early in my career.

So that’s why one of my rules of parody writing is that it’s gotta be funny regardless of whether you know the source material. It has to work on its own merit.

I try to pick songs that I actually like because I realize that I have to live with these songs for a long time, from when I’m working on them in the studio to possibly playing them onstage for the rest of my life.

That’s a big part of my life – doing things that I’m not prepared to do.

You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork.

Well I’ve made no secret of my life long love of MAD Magazine, it’s probably my first and greatest influence in terms of my comic sensibilities. I’ve known John [Ficarra] for many years, and we’ve been friends.

A lot of rap songs don’t usually have a lot of melody per se.

I’m stranded all alone in the gas station of love, and I have to use the self service pump.

I dated Siamese twins, I slept with Big Foot, too. Get me on Sally Jesse, put me on Donahue.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.