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I really do know football.

Aisha Tyler

I do not actually DO these things, but I see myself doing them, and that is almost MORE satisfying, because I am also lying down.
AISHA TYLER

Actually Almost Down Lying More Myself Satisfying
I have always been a softie, and I fight it with every fiber of my being. Sadly, my being’s fibers need to hit the gym.
AISHA TYLER

Being Fiber Fighting Gym Hit Need Sad Sadly Softie
When I was younger, those kinds of comments bothered me, but eventually got to a point where I realized I wasn’t going to change who I was.
AISHA TYLER

Bother Change Comment Eventually Going Kind Point Realize Younger
When one is undone—sprawled across the cold tile of a public bathroom in a pool of one’s own vomit, or shivering in the back of a taxi in a pair of urine-soaked skinny jeans with no money for cab fare and a dead cell phone battery.
AISHA TYLER

Cell Doing Funny Girlfriend Phone Quick Radio Spot Stranger Undone
I wish I could say I’m an architect and planned it this way, foresaw doing all these things, but honestly, I’ve been lucky that things have come across my path and they’ve worked out well for me.
AISHA TYLER

Across Almost Architect Come Foresaw Honesty Lucy Out Path Plan Pressure Well
“You are going to fail, and anyone who is success has powered through many, many failures.”
AISHA TYLER

Anyone Failure Fall Going Many Powered Success
I am absolutely a Giants fan and I’m a Dynasty baby so I was a 49ers fan for a long time.
AISHA TYLER

Absolutely Baby Dynasty Fan Giant Long Time
When I get old and slow down I want to look behind me and see all the fire and the wreckage and no stone left unturned.
AISHA TYLER

Behind Fire Look Old Slow Sown Stone Want
I think I was only attracted to drunken douches before I got married.
AISHA TYLER

Attract Before Douch Drunken Married Thinking
I have one girlfriend who is dating right now – she’s divorced – and she’s on Tinder, so we play Tinder. I know that’s not a real game, but it’s my favorite thing to do.
AISHA TYLER

Dating Divorce Favorite Game Girlfriend Now Play Real Right Tinder
My parents were vegetarians. I’d show up at school, this giant black kid, with none of the cool clothes and a tofu sandwich and celery sticks.
AISHA TYLER

Cloth Kids Parent School Stick Vegetarian
I love to be busy and be challenged. I’m my happiest when I’m under pressure and almost overwhelmed by how much I have to get done.
AISHA TYLER

Challenge Done Happiest Much Overwhelmed Pressure Under
I’ve just got to be myself and hopefully people will find me. And my audience did find me.
AISHA TYLER

Audience Find Hopefully Myself People
I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.
AISHA TYLER

Country Dehydrate Grade Green Most Seventh Smelling Spent Summer
I really do know football.
AISHA TYLER

Do Football Know Really
I love being married. I love my husband. I think married people always have that thing where they think that the grass is greener on the single side, but all my single friends are like,
AISHA TYLER

Fail Hate Husband Love Think Want

I really do know football.

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I really do know football.

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