I like the company of guys. I have a lot of good girlfriends that I really love, but you know, most of my close friends are men.
AISHA TYLERI do not actually DO these things, but I see myself doing them, and that is almost MORE satisfying, because I am also lying down.
More Aisha Tyler Quotes
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I was raised by a single dad, so I’ve always just kind of liked “guys” stuff. I think my dad just took me to the things he was interested in.
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So everything is all the same job in my eyes, and I don’t want to ever give up any part of it.
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Omnipresence can be a good or bad thing, I suppose. I don’t want to spend a lot of time thinking about it. I’m super-grateful.
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If you haven’t noticed yet, working sucks. Unless you are a racecar driver or an astronaut or Beyonce, working is completely and utterly devoid of awesome.
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Wounds turn into scars and scars make you tough.
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I wish I could say I’m an architect and planned it this way, foresaw doing all these things, but honestly, I’ve been lucky that things have come across my path and they’ve worked out well for me.
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I don’t know if I was always an open person, but I think stand-up comics specifically have this way of running towards embarrassing things.
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All these young books for women are like I’m 29 with a closet full of Prada shoes and I can’t get a date. Come on.
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Maybe the nails are a little stubby and gnawed on, but I definitely do not have man hands.
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I’m sure I had low-level scurvy all of my childhood.
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I like grown up comedy.
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Successful people just don’t let failure define them or keep them from doing what they want to do. For example, I’d have people come up to me after my shows, and they’d say they want to do stand-up but are scared they’re going to fail. I’d tell them,
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I have one girlfriend who is dating right now – she’s divorced – and she’s on Tinder, so we play Tinder. I know that’s not a real game, but it’s my favorite thing to do.
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I love being married. I love my husband. I think married people always have that thing where they think that the grass is greener on the single side, but all my single friends are like,
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Much like a wobbly toddler or an unhinged politician, one immediately looks for someone else to blame. God. Your parents. Ex-girlfriends. Undocumented immigrants. Marvin in Human Resources. China.
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I was born in California, raised a vegetarian, and love science fiction, so don’t tell me how I need to be in order to fit your standards.
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I don’t want to be pandered to, so I try not to pander.
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Sometimes the mistake I see people make is thinking that they’re always going to be up, and I think that’s impossible for anyone.
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I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.
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I love to be busy and be challenged. I’m my happiest when I’m under pressure and almost overwhelmed by how much I have to get done.
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TV always wants more people to be watching.
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I love Toronto. I love it. I love Toronto. I love Canada. I can’t wait to get back. Can’t wait to have some Timbits.
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Wipe the rivulets of watery drool from your face, and do it again, like an obstinate toddler running against the wall with his head in a bucket.
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“Trust me, you don’t want to have to actually interact with these people.”
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When one is undone—sprawled across the cold tile of a public bathroom in a pool of one’s own vomit, or shivering in the back of a taxi in a pair of urine-soaked skinny jeans with no money for cab fare and a dead cell phone battery.
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Every ethnic group has this where people within it will try and tell each other how they should be.
AISHA TYLER