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Well, the post office is probably not the place you want to go if you want to be infused with patriotism and a renewed sense of vigor.

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I get depressed at airports.
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Then there’s the in-between, not a lipstick lesbian, not a butch dyke. I think that is what I’d be, a sweatpants lesbian.
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I have no connection with Hollywood. I’m not interested. I don’t care.
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I’ve never not finished a masturbatory session or a pizza. Those are the two things I’ve never left behind.
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A lot of people would say, to be truthful is to tell all, every dalliance, every crisis. They might be right on paper, but in practice, it’s not a great way to go.
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Toss some Hungarian in every once in a while. You will not be sorry. Good, solid peasant food.
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I’m a comedian, not a politician.
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People are stupid. There’s a lot of dumb stuff that’s successful.
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There’s no bigger atheist than me. Well, I take that back. I’m a cancer screening away from going agnostic and a biopsy away from full-fledged Christian.
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People have to be realistic, or the dream just drags on.
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The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor
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California is like the hot blond high school chick who’s been getting by on her looks, but now she’s 45 and falling apart.
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Asking someone in advance not judge you, is like asking someone in advance not to smell you.
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