Not everybody hates me. Only the people who’ve met me.
EMO PHILIPSYou know what I hate the most? People that imitate owls.
More Emo Philips Quotes
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My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn’t have sex quite so often.
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I love Florida. I love the beach. I love the sound of the crashing surfers against the rocks.
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My girlfriend said, Emo, I’m seeing another man. I said, Well, try rubbing your eyes or something.
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I don’t know if I was put on this Earth for a purpose or not. But I’m fairly confident that I’ll be taken off of it for one.
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You know what I hate the most? People that imitate owls.
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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
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I’m filthy stinking rich – well, two out of three ain’t bad.
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Interviewers always used to ask me about my pageboy haircut, and it drove me nuts: it almost made me suspect that there was something strange about it. So I cut off my pageboy.
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When I was a kid, my favourite time of the year when I was child was that magical first snowfall. I’d yell Yippee! Snow! and run up to the front door and shout You know the deal… You have to let me in now.
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I’m learning Cuban. It’s like Spanish, but with fewer words for luxury items.
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I got a job at an amusement park. I like to make the rides more terrifying by throwing a couple of screws onto the seats.
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I think fur looks better on an animal than on a human being. So I dress my dog in a mink teddy.
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My mom gave me one of those cloth calendars for the kitchen. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.
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I’ve always thought the best way to teach a kid not to be scared of the dark is to fill his daylight hours with as much horror as possible.
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My girlfriend said, Just buy me something crazy and expensive, something I don’t even need! So, I signed her up for radiation treatment.
EMO PHILIPS