The younger generation is supposed to rage against the machine, not for it. They’re supposed to question authority, not question those who question authority.
BILL MAHERSuicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.
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I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
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That’s what’s so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity.
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Things aren’t right. If a burglar breaks into your home and you shoot him, he can sue you. For what, restraint of trade?
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Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
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As you go down the path of life, ask whats true. Not who else believes it.
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A new cologne is coming out. It’s for cowboys, and it’s made from cow’s manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!
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Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.
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You want to spend your millions on a worthless cause? Try donating it to the Democrats.
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Let’s make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake – you know, to send the right message to kids.
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Hollywood isn’t your cesspool, America. It’s your mirror.
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The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.
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I always compare marriage to communism. They’re both institutions that don’t conform to human nature, so you’re going to end up with lying and hypocrisy.
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I have always defined political correctness as an elevation of sensitivity over truth.
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Death is nature’s way of killing you.
BILL MAHER