I’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
TIM ALLENBe wary of listening to stories secondhand.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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If you want to condemn yourself for the mistakes you’ve made, let’s be fair, that means you’ve got to congratulate yourself for all the good things you’ve done. It’s okay to say, “God, I wish I’d done this; yeah, but I did do that.” Then it kind of balances out.
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To get a man’s attention, just stand in front of the TV and don’t move. He’ll talk to you. I promise.
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If it ain’t broke, you can probably still fix it.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
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I grew up around hunters. I love guns, bows, arrows, compasses and binoculars. I don’t do any of that stuff, I just like the stuff. I shot one animal, in my life, and I didn’t like it. If I had to skin an animal to eat it, I’d probably eat vegetables.
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Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
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Women now have choices. They can be married, not married, have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we’ve always had: work, or prison.
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They say you only go around once, but with a muscle car you can go around two or three times.
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If you don’t decide where you’re going, life will decide for you.
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There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
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Never comment on a woman’s rear end. Never use the words ‘large’ or ‘size’ with ‘rear end’. Never. Avoid the area altogether. Trust me.
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I love doing logos. I’ve been a graphic artist all my life.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
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When I went to jail, reality hit so hard that it took my breath away, took my stance away, took my strength away. I was there buck naked, humiliated, sitting in my own crap and urine – this is a metaphor. My ego had run off. Your ego is the biggest coward.
TIM ALLEN