Only a Bush could answer a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ question two different ways and be wrong both times.
BILL MAHERCurious people are interesting people, I wonder why that is.
More Bill Maher Quotes
-
-
That’s what’s so great about the Internet. It allows pompous blow-hards to connect with other pompous blow-hards in a vast circle-jerk of pomposity.
BILL MAHER -
A new cologne is coming out. It’s for cowboys, and it’s made from cow’s manure. That way the women will be on you like flies!
BILL MAHER -
I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
BILL MAHER -
I think capital punishment works great. Every killer you kill never kills again.
BILL MAHER -
Like it or not, we’re still a primitive tribe ruled by fears, superstition and misinformation.
BILL MAHER -
Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
BILL MAHER -
To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I Agree’.
BILL MAHER -
In Europe, Socialism is just another political party. It just means that government takes over certain things like hospitals, prisons, military and schools that should not be run for profit.
BILL MAHER -
Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
BILL MAHER -
We need more people speaking out. This country is not overrun with rebels and free thinkers. It’s overrun with sheep and conformists.
BILL MAHER -
Religion is insanity by consensus.
BILL MAHER -
In America, you’re allowed to justify almost any kind of bigotry, sexism, or intolerance if you source it to God’s big book of bad ideas.
BILL MAHER -
The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.
BILL MAHER -
Religion is detrimental to the progress of society.
BILL MAHER -
Religion, it stops people from thinking because they think all the answers are in that one book; it impedes progress; it justifies crazy people. Flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative.
BILL MAHER -
In this country your guilty until proven wealthy.
BILL MAHER -
To a coward, courage always looks like stupidity.
BILL MAHER -
The plain fact is: religion must die for mankind to live.
BILL MAHER -
The idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus is a bunch of bullshit. Treat her like you would a friend, and you’ll wind up with a lover.
BILL MAHER -
Funny that all of Nixon’s crimes – anonymous campaign cash, wiretapping, undeclared wars – are all legal now. Discuss.
BILL MAHER -
Idiots must stop claiming that atheism is a religion. Religion is defined as the belief in and worship of a superhuman controlling power. And atheism is… precisely not that. Atheism is a religion like abstinence is a sex position.
BILL MAHER -
Hollywood isn’t your cesspool, America. It’s your mirror.
BILL MAHER -
The whole dating ritual was different when I was a kid. Girls got pinned, not nailed.
BILL MAHER -
During the Depression, or back when we were fighting Hitler, people didn’t have time to sue a company if the coffee was too hot. There were urgent, pressing problems. If you think you have it tough, read history books.
BILL MAHER -
Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.
BILL MAHER -
Little do women know what big ideas I have in my pants.
BILL MAHER