I have a thing for tools.
TIM ALLENCan we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
More Tim Allen Quotes
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There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
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My comedy is not mine. It’s a gift. I’m not that smart.
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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
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A car crossed two lanes of traffic, flipped, and landed on my dad’s car. I don’t blame cars. My dad loved cars. I don’t have many memories of my dad. The love of cars is all I have of him, really.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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I wonder if to stare into the face of God will drive me crazy. (I wonder who would blink first.)
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Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
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Boys can be disgusting. You can’t leave us alone for any length of time because we will burn something, blow something up or paint something. We’re just obnoxious.
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Real men don’t use instructions, son. Besides, this is just the manufacturer’s opinion on how to put this together.
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Men often do things for women that they don’t want to do, so that women will do things for men that they don’t want to do.
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Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
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For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
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Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they’re going to respect Mom.
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Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
TIM ALLEN