I love women. I actually prefer girls, as a parent, because they disappoint at a different age. They go through that, “Dad’s an idiot,” which lasted a little longer than I’d like.
TIM ALLENElectricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn’t go far didn’t see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.
More Tim Allen Quotes
-
-
Comedy is the ultimate anarchist.
TIM ALLEN -
Before Kady was born, I didn’t think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
TIM ALLEN -
I’m actually more of a cat guy than a dog person because I travel so much. I love cats.
TIM ALLEN -
As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
TIM ALLEN -
My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance.
TIM ALLEN -
Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
TIM ALLEN -
I have irrational fears, and they all go back to losing my father as a kid. I’ve never gotten over it.
TIM ALLEN -
When you’re 6 or 7, your father becomes this wonderful presence in your life. I really responded to my father. And then, the very moment I realized that I loved him unconditionally, that life was going to be great just because he was in it, he was gone.
TIM ALLEN -
Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
TIM ALLEN -
Why go to a church to worship God? A church is man made. God never said, “And let there be aluminum siding.” Climbing a tree to talk to God sounds like a better idea since only God can make a tree. And if that tree’s on a golf course, all the better.
TIM ALLEN -
Being wealthy when no one else is, is like being the only one at the party with a drink.
TIM ALLEN -
There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
TIM ALLEN -
All men like to think that they can do it alone, but a real man knows that there no substitute for support , encouragement or a pit crew.
TIM ALLEN -
While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
TIM ALLEN -
I’m a very bad student, but a great learner.
TIM ALLEN