Now people want Brian Williams to resign, but it could have a happy ending. Apparently what he said was such a blatant departure from the truth, today he got an offer from Fox News.
BILL MAHERTo those people who say, ‘My father is alive because of animal experimentation,’ I say, ‘Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.’ Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade-off.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Denying racism is the new racism.
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I have a problem with people who take the Constitution loosely and the Bible literally.
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When I see the toothless guy, as a liberal, what I say is, ‘I want to help you get teeth.’ Why does that make me an a**hole?
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Our mistakes from the past are just that: mistakes. And they were necessary to make in order to become the wiser person we became.
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Religion is insanity by consensus.
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Emergency rooms will be used the way they were intended to be used: not for primary care, but for when the average freaky American get some strange object up his ass.
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In the Republican party, crazy is a constituency.
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If you have a few hundred followers and you let some of them molest children, they call you a cult leader. If you have a billion, they call you Pope.
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I don’t understand why the police are infallible. They remind me a lot of the Catholic Church.
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If it weren’t for acid, you might not have an IPod, and you definitely would not have some of the best music in your IPod.
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Funny that all of Nixon’s crimes – anonymous campaign cash, wiretapping, undeclared wars – are all legal now. Discuss.
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The thing I don’t understand about homosexuals is, how do they decide which one is the one who’s supposed to pretend they don’t want it?
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The cable TV sex channels don’t expand our horizons, don’t make us better people, and don’t come in clearly enough.
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We have the Bill of Rights. What we need is a Bill of Responsibilities.
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When you get people who are out of office, suddenly their tongues loosen up and suddenly they say the things that you wish they’d said or did when they were in office.
BILL MAHER