Men are only as loyal as their options.
BILL MAHERFalse hope really makes you cynical.
More Bill Maher Quotes
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Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
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If anti-gay stuff is always coming out of your mouth, something very gay is probably going in.
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We don’t really have to make fun of religion – it makes fun of itself.
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To those people who say, ‘My father is alive because of animal experimentation,’ I say, ‘Yeah, well, good for you. This dog died so your father could live.’ Sorry, but I am just not behind that kind of trade-off.
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When opportunity knocks all some people can do is complain about the noise.
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Again, (America is) a stupid country with stupid people who don’t pay attention.
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I think flying planes into a building was a faith-based initiative. I think religion is a neurological disorder.
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I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
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Talk to women who’ve ever dated an Arab man. The results are not good.
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To most Christians, the Bible is like a software license. Nobody actually reads it. They just scroll to the bottom and click ‘I Agree’.
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Suicide is man’s way of telling God, ‘You can’t fire me – I quit.’
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Here’s the thing about Donald Trump: He never apologizes. He’s never wrong, no matter what crazy thing he says. He’s totally – he’s the white Kanye.
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Based on every statement I’ve heard out of any Republican in the last two years, the Israelis are controlling our government.
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When I see the toothless guy, as a liberal, what I say is, ‘I want to help you get teeth.’ Why does that make me an a**hole?
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Can we go back to using Facebook for what it was originally for – looking up exes to see how fat they got?
BILL MAHER