There are two instruments worse than a clarinet – two clarinets.
AMBROSE BIERCEPresent, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope.
More Ambrose Bierce Quotes
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Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
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War is God’s way of teaching Americans geography.
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Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
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Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly unworthy.
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LIFE, n. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay. We live in daily apprehension of its loss; yet when lost it is not missed.
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Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
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Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
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The only distinction that democracies reward is a high degree of conformity.
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Scriptures – The sacred books of our holy religion, as distinguished from the false and profane writings on which all other faiths are based.
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You don’t have to be stupid to be a Christian, but it probably helps.
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Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.
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Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
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Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.
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ULTIMATUM, n. In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
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Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.
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