“A person who doubts himself is like a man who would enlist in the ranks of his enemies and bear arms agains himself. He makes his failure certain by himself being the first person to be convinced of it.”

Debt, n. An ingenious substitute for the chain and whip of the slavedriver.

Opposition, n. In politics the party that prevents the government from running amuck by hamstringing it.

Selfish, adj. Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

Love: A temporary insanity curable by marriage.

History is an account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly knaves, and soldiers, mostly fools.

Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.

Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is assured.

Don’t steal; thou’lt never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.

Year: A period of three hundred and sixty-five disappointments.

They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.

Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Prescription: A physician’s guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the patient.

A wedding is a ceremony at which two persons undertake to become one, one undertakes to become nothing, and nothing undertakes to become supportable.

Marriage, n: the state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress, and two slaves, making in all, two.

Eloquence, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.

The Christianity which is shared is the Christianity which is convincing.

There is convincing evidence that the search for solitude is not a luxury but a biological need. Just as humans posses a herding instinct that keeps us close to others most of the time, we also have a conflicting drive to seek out solitude.

Amending the U.S. Constitution, the document most sacred to those who love freedom and liberty, is a delicate endeavor and should be done only on the basis of the most clear and convincing evidence that a proposed amendment is necessary.

If a man proves too clearly and convincingly to himself…that a tiger is an optical illusion–well, he will find out he is wrong.