I don’t have any ambition.
NORM MACDONALDIn math, you could get 100 percent. It was very fair. That’s what I liked about math. You could figure it out, and the teacher couldn’t have a stupid opinion about it.
More Norm MacDonald Quotes
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A readiness to excuse some faults, shows a disposition to commit others.
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Note to self: no matter how bad life gets, there’s always beer.
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There are two things which a man should scrupulously avoid: giving advice that he would not follow, and asking advice when he is determined to pursue his own opinion.
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He that searches for praise will often find contempt.
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The reason we have few friends in adversity, is, because we have no true ones in prosperity.
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The young compliment their greatness on the number of their friends; the old, on the confidence of them.
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Liberty, like health, appears most precious when lost.
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Envy, like a false mirror, distorts the symmetry of the sweetest form.
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In estimating the adversities of life, we would seldom have much reason to complain of the evils we suffer, did we understand the dangers we daily escape.
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As evacuation eases the body, so occasional ejectment of passion seems to appease the agonies of the soul, and dispose to tranquility the agitations of the heart.
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This would have been a great game to watch if we didn’t have any money on it.
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They say that if you’re afraid of homosexuals, it means that deep down inside you’re actually a homosexual yourself. That worries me because I’m afraid of dogs.
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Ever see this? It’s a homeless guy but he’s got a dog… The dog’s really thrilled with this idea. The dog’s going, Hey pal, I can do this by myself pretty well. The longest walk in the world you got me on here.
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Flattery succeeds best on minds previously occupied by conceit.
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Back in the old days, a man could just get sick and die. Now they have to wage a battle. So my Uncle Bert is waging a courageous battle, which I’ve seen, because I go and visit him. And this is the battle: he’s lying in the hospital bed, with a thing in his arm, watching Matlock on the TV.
NORM MACDONALD