“In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often, I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Germany. She said ‘cut it out’”

If it’s a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

My doctor told me I shouldn’t work out until I’m in better shape. I told him, ‘All right; don’t send me a bill until I pay you.’

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?

I went to a restaurant that serves ‘breakfast at any time’. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.

The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobody’s perfect so I stopped practicing.

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.

Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.

Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

You never know what people have to go home to. Always be good to them.

Being home with two babies has been challenging and fun, while trying to carve out an identity for myself beyond it.

There is no great book than the elders of the home.

Our wish is for peace. Peace at home and peace among you.

All of a sudden to get all of this attention, and to be away from home and working all the time was hard. I was on planes all the time. I didn’t see my friends. I cried a lot. It was quite terrifying.

In painting, you have unlimited power. You have the ability to move mountains. You can bend rivers. But when I get home, the only thing I have power over is the garbage.

Disease of the home and of the life comes about in the same way as that of the body.

I believe in living, I believe in birth, I believe in the sweat of love and in the fire of truth and I believe that a lost ship, steered by tired, sea sick sailors, can still be guided home to port.