When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.
STEVEN WRIGHTShin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
More Steven Wright Quotes
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On the other hand, you have different fingers.
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Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
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Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery’s dead?
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Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person who drives a racing car not called a racist?
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Clones are people two.
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If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
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Some friends of mine got me a sweater for my birthday. I’d have preferred a moaner or a screamer, but the sweater was OK.
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I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
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It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I’d never even thought about killing myself.
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Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
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You know what scares me? When you have to be nice to some paranoid schizophrenic, just because she lives in your head.
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To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
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I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.
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The other night I was lying in bed, looking up at the stars, and I wondered, ‘Where the hell is my roof?
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I installed a skylight in my apartment, the people who live above me are furious!
STEVEN WRIGHT






