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The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms, not to bear artillery.

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Sometimes you can have a whole lifetime in a day and never notice that this is a beautiful as it gets.
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Our job is improving the quality of life, not just delaying death.
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When in doubt, go for the dick joke.
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You will have bad times, but they will always wake you up to the stuff you weren’t paying attention to.
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Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Be kind. Always.
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After I quit drinking, I realized I am the same asshole I always was; I just have fewer dents in my car.
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There’s no shame in failing. The only shame is not giving things your best shot.
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Politics: Poli a Latin word meaning many and tics meaning bloodsucking creatures.
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I try to make sense of things. Which is why, I guess, I believe in destiny. There must be a reason that I am as I am. There must be.
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A human life is just a heartbeat in heaven.
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I wonder what chairs think about all day: “Oh, here comes another asshole
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Gentlemen, haven’t we learned anything from the music of John Lennon? All we need is love.
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But if there’s love, dear – those are the ties that bind, and you’ll have a family in your heart, forever.
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You have to break in half to love somebody.
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There’s a world out there. Open a window, and it’s there.
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Comedy is acting out optimism.
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