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Erma Bombeck Quote - My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

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My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Food Funny Myself Place Stay
Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
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Food Funny Humor Moments Woman
When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
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Appearance Home Humor Time Travel Yourself
Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.
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Family Food Funny Planning Politics Religion
Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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Courage Humor Inspirational Laughter Need Reward Tragedy Yourself
Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.
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God Help Herself Life Maguc Pregnant Time Woman
It is ludicrous to read the microwave direction on the boxes of food you buy, as each one will have a disclaimer: THIS WILL VARY WITH YOUR MICROWAVE. Loosely translated, this means, You’re on your own, Bernice.
ERMA BOMBECK

Direction Food Funny Kitchen Reading Yourself
All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
ERMA BOMBECK

Children Courage Funny Inspirational Moments Parents White
There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
ERMA BOMBECK

Gift Morning Sad Spiritual Wake Up World
How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?
ERMA BOMBECK

Buy Fate Funny Price Yourself
Cats invented self-esteem.
ERMA BOMBECK

Animal Cat Invention Worth
Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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Body Born Children Deep Mom Pregnant
No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
ERMA BOMBECK

Bed Death Funny Motivation Sleep Women
Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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Children Encouragement Independence Lose
Every puppy should have a boy.
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Animal Boy Company Dog Friendship
Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
ERMA BOMBECK

Age Eye Kind Memories Old Perspective Thinking
I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
ERMA BOMBECK

Fate Food Myself Night Oneself Thinking Woman
It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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Family Judgement Mom Understand
It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.
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Courage Dream Kindness Yourself
The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
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Animal Food Funny Lion Wrong
If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.
ERMA BOMBECK

Inspirational Laughter Yourself
Housework, if it is done properly, can cause brain damage.
ERMA BOMBECK

Brain Damage Funny Injury
Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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Care Compassion Each Other Face Human Love Nation Patience Reflection
Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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Death Doctor Funny Humor Inspirational Plant
Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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Determination Difference Fame Greatness Success
Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn’t turn it on.
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Children Ideas Light Myself Yourself

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