Never have more children than you have car windows.
ERMA BOMBECKThe grass is always greener over the septic tank.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they’re finished, I climb out.
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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Laughter rises out of tragedy when you need it the most, and rewards you for your courage.
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When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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Every puppy should have a boy.
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I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.
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Children make your life important.
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
ERMA BOMBECK