One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
ERMA BOMBECKPeople usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.
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Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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Housework can kill you if done right.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there.
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The hippopotamus is a vegetarian and looks like a wall. Lions who eat only red meat are sleek and slim. Are nutritionists on the wrong track?
ERMA BOMBECK