When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
ERMA BOMBECKEvery puppy should have a boy.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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Never have more children than you have car windows.
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The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Housework can kill you if done right.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
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Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.
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Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
ERMA BOMBECK