I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a society where it is traditional to wear clothes.
ERMA BOMBECKThe odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.
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Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.
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For years, my husband and I have advocated separate vacations. But the kids keep finding us.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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When humor goes, there goes civilization.
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People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.
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Humor is a spontaneous, wonderful bit of an outburst that just comes. It’s unbridled, its unplanned, it’s full of suprises.
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Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.
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My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.
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Success is outliving your failures.
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The grass is always greener over the septic tank.
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I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.
ERMA BOMBECK