One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.
ERMA BOMBECKDon’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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It is not until you become a mother that your judgment slowly turns to compassion and understanding.
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
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A grandparent is the only baby-sitter who doesn’t charge more after midnight – or anything before midnight.
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Housework can kill you if done right.
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Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.
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Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence.
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Women are never what they seem to be. There is the woman you see and there is the woman who is hidden. Buy the gift for the woman who is hidden.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
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When humor goes, there goes civilization.
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No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.
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It is my theory you can’t get rid of fat. All you can do is move it around, like furniture.
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I remember thinking how often we look, but never see … we listen, but never hear … we exist, but never feel. We take our relationships for granted. A house is only a place. It has no life of its own. It needs human voices, activity and laughter to come alive.
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
ERMA BOMBECK