“I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night.”

Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.

Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.

Housework is a treadmill from futility to oblivion with stop-offs at tedium and counter productivity.

Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.

I’ve exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.

I haven’t trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I’ve never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.

The grass is always greener over the septic tank.

People usually survive their illnesses, but the paper work eventually does them in. Filing a claim for insurance is terminal.

Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.

Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.

Once you see the drivers in Indonesia you understand why religion plays such a part in their lives.

If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

One never realizes how different a husband and wife can be until they begin to pack for a trip.

What separates the winners from the losers is how a person reacts to each new twist of fate.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.

Be active! Take on responsibility! Work for the things you believe in. If you do not, you are surrendering your fate to others.

Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together,but do so with all your heart.

I believe that every interaction is an act of fate in some way, that we’re meant to interact with them, and it’s our job to flesh that out and experience it to the fullest and learn the lessons we’re meant to.

You don’t find love, it finds you. It’s got a little bit to do with destiny, fate, and what’s written in the stars.

You are the Master of your Fate, the Captain of your Soul.

I’ve noticed that even people who believe in fate look both ways before crossing the street.